Whatever floats your zucchini boat...

It's been a while since I've written. I've no excuse, other than things have been crazy busy. But I have been keeping well and still focusing on improving my health. My outside has changed a bit over the last several weeks and my inside is still learning along the way.

I've cut out ALL junk food (bye bye Zesty Doritos), all alcohol (bye bye G & Ts) etc. and a plethora of other stuff. Basically anything that didn't moo, cluck, swim or grow directly from the earth hasn't been making it's way into my belly. And portions portions portions... All these years I've been eating portions for three of me. With all this change, I've lost 13 lbs!!! That's 13 of those bricks of butter OR a set of newborn twins - however you want to look at it.

And while this change on my outside has been occurring, there's been a  lot of change on the inside too, as I mentioned. Determined to stick to my guns and stay disciplined in getting healthier, it's really forced to me to examine my relationship with food... How I deal with stress... How I reward myself... What I do when I'm bored or not engaged... My whole life has revolved around food in some capacity and while I'm no where near clear of any bad food habits or thoughts, I am doing well and I am staying on path... I am determined to grow a better and healthier body and mind.

As William Shakespeare put it, "Our bodies are our gardens – our wills are our gardeners.”

Ayurveda, whaaaat what?!

I haven't done any yoga in nearly two weeks. I know this because my body has been aching for it. I can be a bit of a nut and sometimes let my neuroses get the better of me. But not when I am pigeon-pose deep in a session. When deeply immersed in practicing yoga, I am a calmer, clearer-minded version of myself and I love that. I also don't think it's any coincidence that ever since I made this pledge to become "greener and leaner" and to tackle my ailments from the inside out that I have indeed reaped the benefits of increased health :)

While diving deep and really try to find my balance, it's also no surprise that this journey of bettering and enhancement has led me to learn about and become more curious about the practice of ayurveda. I read somewhere that ayurveda "is the science and yoga is the practice of the science".  Ayurveda is an ancient system of holistic healthcare that is becoming increasingly popular in the West today. Ayurvedic medicine focuses on all area of health, including diet, lifestyle, exercise, detoxification, sleep, and the mind.

In treatment, both yoga and ayurveda advocate for the regular practice of pranayama and meditation as well as the use of herbs, body purification procedures, food and chanting of mantras for physical and mental health. Ayurveda isn’t a one-size-fits-all philosophy - With us humans being constantly in flux throughout the day: our energy level and our mood, for example, are different first thing in the morning than they are at noon. Ayurveda, then, is a personalized, intuitive health philosophy. According to ayurvedic principles, each of us has a unique constitution governed by our physical and emotional makeup, as well as our lifestyle - the foods we eat, what time we go to sleep.

It is quite a revelation for me to see how yoga and ayurveda are interrelated and I am excited to learn more about it and using it to enhance my health and the health of those I love. In the meantime, BACK to yoga I go.... I am determined to squeeze 4 sessions into this already busy week. If only because this week is looking to be so damn busy.

Pause, rest, re-set...

Life as a married, full-time working parent to an almost 5-year-old always moving boy and a six-year-old always talking girl, is stressful on it's own, but lately life has been moving in warped speed. I have had little time for my friends, for my family or for myself. The consistent theme? Go! go! go! And it's been a little much...

One thing I've come to realize about myself over the last year is that when the going gets tough and stressful, I zero-in on staying focused. Relentless focus actually. Most other people, (healthier and saner people) would likely take a step back, pause, breathe and then forge forward. But not me - My intensity has always increased with expectations and my self-imposed perfectionism. Having said that, intensity and stress can only fuel someone for so long before they fizzle out. Thus what's lead me one this quest of finding a healthier path.

"...the brain is an overgrown forest. The easiest paths to walk are the ones that are most habitually used and well worn. The same is true of the mind. That's why habits are so easy to repeat and difficult to break."..... the same author who wrote these words*, likened the practice of meditation to bushwhacking new pathways of sustaining concentration, which, once worn and traveled, become new, healthier behaviours and habits.

His point about meditation is true, I believe, in both a high-arching metaphorical sense and in the literal sense. In the broader sense, if you stop, assess and choose healthier ways of doing things in any part of your life (no matter how hard this process can be at first), you are welcoming positive change and thereby enriching your life.

As strange as it seems, one of the hardest things for me to do is to simply STOP when I am going full-speed/full-throttle and to pause... Whether this is during a busy day at work or a busy time in my life, this has always been a challenge for me. As I mentioned earlier, in this area of my life the path most often travelled is focus, intensity, stress... What I have begun doing though is interrupting the chaos, where and when needed, with moments of pausing, resting and re-setting. I have been this doing by incorporating yoga, meditation and pranayama into my daily life as often as possible. Even simpler than that, I'm trying to stop and smell the roses every day...

Luke and I recently took a mini break to Victoria and instead of worrying about timelines, deadlines, bedtimes or dinner clean-ups, my eyes drank in the island's native flora, its beautiful vibrant-coloured arbutus and dark majestic oak trees, the grainy and poetic architecture, the contrast of vanilla-coloured clouds against the backdrop of robin's egg blue sky and my nose soaked in the smell of the two-row stone crop bushes in full bloom and the cleansing fresh sea air... We ate, we laughed, we explored, we relaxed, we read, we walked in the sand, yoga on the beach, we talked.... We took it all in. I didn't once worry about... anything. In fact other that the unfortunate pile-driving that was taking place outside our favourite eatery on day two, I was truly able to pause, rest and re-set.

Our last night I was started to feel a little under the weather and so listening to the cues of my body, instead of going for the fried food, beer and gluttony that my mind was telling me I was obligated to indulge in while on vacation, I took a road less travelled for me vacation-wise and opted for fresh and clean meal at the island's (and B.C.s) famous vegetarian restaurant. Instead of vino or beer, I opted for some freshly juiced beet-apple-ginger-carrot juice and an apple-blueberry-strawberry-lemon smoothie.

It's the little changes I find that are making the most difference in my overall day-to-day mental and physical health transformation.... Of course this is all made easier with the incredible patience and love from Luke (my wonderfully-supportive and closet-hippy husband)!

 

*Misadventures of a Garden State Yogi - Brian Leaf

Pranayama... and how its changed my life!

The first time I tried yoga was about 13 years ago or so. I was living in Whistler and like many people who have never tried it before, thought it would be a cool new way to incorporate exercise into my life. I continued to go to classes of varying levels with all sorts of names (Bikrams hot yoga, Hatha, Ashtanga, Vinyasa etc.) on and off for years. Taking long breaks in between. I remember the first time that I chanted in a yoga class and I remember feeling embarrassed and pretending that I was "ooohhhmmmmming". After-all,  I was there for the exercise, not the hokey yogi chanting.

While I have always enjoyed the movements and asanas of yoga, I have always been puzzled as to why I had never truly felt like immersing myself in the practice. What were my friends who spoke highly of it and who refused to skip a class finding in yoga, that I wasn't?

Let's flash back nearly seven years ago to my being in Saint Paul's Hospital on September 23, 2006. I am in the full throws of active child labour, moments away from pushing a human being out of my own body and I can remember Luke standing next to me coaching me to "Breathe... Breathe Catherine. Focus on your breath"... My mind drifted for a second to my pre-natal yoga teacher who had echoed the same words to me only a couple of days earlier during practice.

I began to focus on and cling to the sound of my lungs inhaling and expelling air as if it was a life force sustaining me through the enormous pain I was in the midst of enduring... In between puffs of nitrous oxide, I found myself getting up and doing various yoga asanas right there in the middle of my private hospital room. And with every movement I was 100% focused on my breath. Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale... I imagined the air of my breath flowing though my throat into the back of my lungs, lengthening down into my toes, back up the front of my legs and circling around my womb and centre of pain and massaging it, before raising up through my belly and then being exhaled.

In fact the only time I lost control that day was when I started into the transition phase of labour and lost focus of my breathing... Instantly pain started to fill my body. But then I remember closing my eyes and starting to breathe again...

This particular day, the day my first child was born, was the very first time that I truly harnessed the tips and breathing exercises I'd learned over the years in the zillion yoga classes by dozens of different teachers and finally embraced the practice of pranayama.

What is pranayama? Pranayama is a yogic discipline with its origins in India. It is a composition of two Sanskrit words that basically mean "the extension of the breath".

Pran means life force/vital energy/breath,  and ayam means to expand, extend or pause. Pranayama is the fourth of the eight limbs of Ashtanga yoga described in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, and is recommended as part of a yoga practitioner’s regular practice. To call it “deep breathing” severely understates the complexity of this practice – pranayama is much more than just deep breathing.

The Hatha Yoga Pradipika states that  pranayama is practiced in order to understand annd control the pranic process in the body. Breathing is a direct means of absorbing prana and the manner in which we breath sets off pranic vibrations, which influence our entire being. By becoming aware of the nature of the breath and by restraining it, the whole system becomes controlled. When you retain the breath you are stopping nervous impulses in different parts of the body and harmonising the brain wave patterns. In pranayama, it is the duration of the breath retention, which has to be increased. The longer the breath is held, the greater the gap between nervous impulses and their responses in the brain. When retention is held for a prolonged period, mental agitation is curtailed.

Through pranayama the mind can be brought under control. In many spiritual traditions, including Sufism, Buddhism and Yoga, it is known that by concentrating on the breath, you can still the mind, develop one-pointedness and gain entry into the deeper realms of the mind and consciousness.

Fast forward back to present time... This past year has been a doozy of a year for me physically and mentally. A lot has happened and allowed me the opportunity to reflect, assess and repair. Along with that is the understanding that this process of repairing, etc is not static, but rather a dynamic one that I have to exercise on a regular basis.

I am an over-thinker or an obsessive-thinker rather, if I'm being entirely honest. From the moment I wake until the moment I fall asleep I am thinking. Observing. Analyzing. Strategizing. Problem-solving... Thinking thinking thinking... This is who I am and I've never ever been able to switch this part of me off. Ever! The realization that my obsessive nature is a major stress-trigger, which has no doubt been the main culprit in my poor health was quite a profound revelation.

This is where yoga and pranayama comes in...

The only time in my entire life that I am able to completely shut off pain, my fears and my obsessive thoughts that race in my brain is when I am smack dab in the middle of a yoga class, feet firmly planted on my mat and I am BREATHING. In that place, at that time the only thing I am thinking of is my breath. And so for one hour every day, my brain, body and my energy have the chance to focus, balance, heal and restore. It's incredible and I'm kicking myself for only giving into this now in my thirties - Mind you I think it's taken these three decades to build the discipline necessary to find this path.

Be it in in the midst of physical pain such as child labour, pulmonary embolisms and appendicitis, mental stress at work or emotional turmoil dolled out by life circumstances, I feel stronger by integrating pranayama into my life and my well-being. Furthermore, I am several "ohms" past feeling silly by chanting in my yoga classes. I now look forward to this part of my yoga practice an and grateful for this wonderful sound that clears and calms my mind and opens up the channels for healing...

"Where the mind goes, the prana follows" -   Thirumoolar (South Indian saint)

Mother's Day

Soo I've bee doing well with my yoga. Eating less meat, not so much... Especially since we got the BBQ going... I may need some encouragement or inspiration where that's concerned. But the yoga has been going well. I'm getting very good at focusing on my breath and letting some of my bad, stressed or misplaced energy OUT. Which feels great!!

When Luke asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day, I simply asked for my tiny patio to be spruced up and for the chance to enjoy some weekend yoga. Today I awoke all ready for my 9am Hatha class, when I mentioned to Luke that the yoga studio I go was offering a mother and daughter only class for Mother's Day weekend. He encouraged me to consider doing this class and taking Isabel. I hesitated only because yoga is MY thing and is time I set aside for ME. But not wanting to be selfish and after some hum and hawing, I decided I would check out that class and bring Isabel. I mean worse comes to worse, it may involve a lot of combined couples poses (which I don't like). But more likely it would be a great chance to share something I love with my daughter and for us to have some mommy and daughter bonding time.

We get to the studio, both psyched. We get started and after several minutes I can see Isabel's attention drifting. Then the fidgeting starts... Then a bit of whining... And then after several annoying combined/coupled poses,  comes the phrase every parent LOATHES - "I'm bored"...
Really?! Well isn't that nice - but I am trying to find my centre and getting into my pranayama groove.

To be fair, I understand why she would have been a little bored... It was a long and slow class. And she wasn't misbehaving terribly. But... my frustration and  disappointment in the class not going as planned, combined with my current hormonal state pushed me into a bit of a pity party right there in the middle of the class, which was an hour and fifteen minutes long. My eyes started to sting as I tried to stop from breaking into my estrogen-induced tears (I told you I was hormonal!!!) One tiny tear escaped rolled down my cheek as we were in child's pose. Isabel noticed and knew exactly why I was upset. Bless her little soul, I could tell she felt bad.

The class ended and they offered post-yoga chocolate covered strawberries and some tropical rooibos tea* set out specifically for this Mom's Day session. After devouring chocolate covered strawberries and sipping on some calming tea, I eased up a bit. But I was still annoyed... and upset..

I came home and vented to Luke. Who was sweet about the whole thing, despite feeling bad for suggesting the whole thing.

Two lessons were learned today:
Luke and I both spoke at great lengths with Isabel about how sometimes even when it doesn't suit you, you suck it up and do something nice or demonstrate patience or selflessness so that you can bring someone else joy. The other lesson was learned by me: Don't mix my kids with my yoga time. It is indeed MY thing and is time I set aside for ME. One day I hope Isabel (and Jasper) will join me in this wonderful practice and hopefully they too will benefit from it and love it they way I have come to. But in the meantime, it's all about me. Accepting this was my Mother's Day gift to myself.

Tomorrow is actually Mother's Day. I plan on spending the morning in my Hatha class (just ME), and then come home and have a wonderful day with my family celebrating how lucky and grateful I am to be a MOM!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! xoxo


*Rooibos tea is made from the leaves of the Aspalathus Linearis (or "red bush") plant, which grows only in the small Cederberg region of South Africa. Because it does not derive from the Camillia sinensis plant (like black, white, green or oolong teas), rooibos tea is considered more of an herbal drink or tisane than a "true" tea.

Rooibos tea is often called "red tea" or "red bush" tea because of the bright red coloring the leaves take on during the oxidation and fermentation processes. A properly brewed cup of rooibos tea will be a rich red color and have a sweet, nutty flavor.

Discipline...

Lately things have seemed extra insane in my life. The house seems to be getting extra messy faster, the dog extra barky and mischievous, kids activities all over the place - Not to mention the kids have been acting crazier.... More bills, more obligations and household chores, the list goes on and on....

Add to this a crazy week at work. Don't get me wrong, I love being busy at work as I find when left with little to do, I react by procrastinating. Weird I know. ;) But this week there's been a lot going on and the old Catherine would try to get it all done as fast as possible, skipping meals and breaks along the way in attempts to stay focused on the tasks at hand. I mean what does it say about me if I can't handle a little stress or busy times at work?! But it dawned on me recently that when you consider all the crap I deal with outside my workday too, that my exposure to stress is alllll day . I quite literally am push push pushing myself from the moment I wake up (6:15am and getting the kids up, dressed and ready for their day in addition to getting myself prepped for the day) until the moment I finish the kids' lunches at 8:30pm at night. And while yes, this routine is not new - I get through it day after day, I've also had a record year of very poor health... Coincidence?! I think not.

I'm both obsessive and a perfectionist by nature and will hone it on something until it gets done, no matter how much it kills me to get the end result and as close to perfect as possible. This pertains to something as simple as getting the kids' shoes on and out the door (which for those of you with young kids KNOW this is actually NOT that simple), to a project at work. The thing is, by not taking a step out of the "danger zone" as I like to call it (danger zone = the moment before my mind implodes), I am continually putting my body in a high level of stress. Too much stress on a regular basis is not good as it leads to high levels of cortisol which in turn will lower your immune system.




Sooooo... This is where my new discipline comes in... While this blog is supposed to chronicle my going greener and leaner, really it's all about my attempting to overhaul and improve my health from head to toe and from the inside out. This means my having to break any unhealthy behavioural patterns and inserting healthier options or strategies, whether it's easy or not.

This morning I was feeling scattered and a little crazier than normal. I had intended on going to a noon yoga class, but instinct told me I should stay and work through my lunch and push myself to get done what I needed to get done. *discipline, discipline, discipline* Oh yeah, it's all about making healthier choices - ok. So begrudgingly I went off to yoga. After only ten minutes in and I started to feel my whole body soften,  my mind became sharper and I was calm... I was relaxed and calm and in a meditative state for one hour. While today was a much harder class than I anticipated it would be physically, once I got back to my office I was clear-minded and relaxed and WAY better equipped to handle the rest of the day.

I'm proud that I achieved this little milestone today in trying to correct unhealthy behaviour patterns that I've developed over the course of my life. Yay me!!!

I survived my first yoga class in over a year...

Last night I made my first attempt at yoga again. And not only that but it was a totally new type of yoga than I have ever done before. Therapeutic yoga....

Despite the super warm and sunny weather, the class was packed. I ended up having to place my mat behind a freakin' pillar. That's not so cool when you are wanting to see what poses (asanas) the teacher is demonstrating. Apparently the people on either side of me didn't feel the need for me to see the teacher either as they both pretended not to notice that I needed to shift my mat over... Oh well... For some a yoga studio is much the same as being at church. Having said that, I figure if there's ever a place for a yoga practitioner to be rude or uncaring towards another, the studio is NOT it. Karma people.. Karma!

After coming over, introducing himself and shaking my hand hello, I was ready to participate in Sean's class. Sean is this somewhat towering guy who is super friendly, calming and just exudes happiness. Seriously... When he speaks his faces smiles, even though his mouth is shaped in a normal speaking manner. Sean started and ended the class talking about how yoga is intended to bring people joy and help them achieve happiness. And who couldn't use a little happiness only a couple hours after a full Monday back to work.

This particular therapy class was to focus on our sacrums (our tailbones)  which is great as my lower back into my sacroiliac joint has been sore the last while. Sean spoke a lot about our breaths and our base and our butt-cheeks. Was a real treat - I loved the class last night!! Well I loved most of it. Some older dude two people over started to snore in resting pose (savasana). As a self-diagnosed misophonic*, this bothered me ;) But all in all it was wonderful. I was surprised how focused I was at my breath and my mind not having wandered too much during practice, other than a couple of times drifting off to my impending dinner awaiting me at home. Lesson learned - don't practice yoga on an empty belly at dinner time...

While pigeon pose is my favourite, it did tweak some groin issues for me after I got home. It's all good though and nothing  a little heated lavender pillow time couldn't fix.

Stay tuned....

 laying pigeon pose

*Misophonia: People who have misophonia are most commonly annoyed, or even enraged, by such ordinary sounds as other people clipping their nails, brushing teeth, eating, breathing, sniffing, talking, sneezing, yawning, walking, chewing gum, laughing, snoring, whistling or coughing; certain consonants; or repetitive sounds.^[7Some are also affected by visual stimuli, such as repetitive foot or body movements, fidgeting or any movement they might observe out of the corner of their eyes.